the socal grassroots oscars

BEST PERFORMANCE AT BEING SOMETHING YOU’RE NOT
-Heath Ledger, for being a straight Australian playing a gay cowboy from Wyoming
-The chick who plays a trannsexual guy in that movie that won’t win anything
-Joe Lieberman for being a Republican playing a Democrat
-Condi Rice, for her convincing portrayal of a white man pretending to be an African- American woman
-Harry Whittington, for his heart-stoppingly accurate portrayal of a crested brown quail

BEST CRAZY-ASS MALE MENOPAUSE NUTJOB
-Cheney
-Powell
-Hussein
-O’Reilly
-Jean Schmidt

MOST DELAYED TESTICULAR DEVELOPMENT
-Harry Reid
-Al Gore
-John Kerry
-Patrick Leahy

BEST “I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU” MOMENT
-Roberts confirmation hearings
-Oil CEOs’ congressional testimony
-Cheney shooting victim press conference
-Gay male escort posing as reporter asking Scott McLellan if he does free weights or Nautilus
-"Out West, where you vacation, the aspens are turning. They turn in clusters, because they are connected at the roots..."

BEST W. MOMENT
-"Heckuva job, Brownie."
-"We don't torture."
-"Port sale to Dubai? What port sale to Dubai?"
-"I'm a uniter, not a divider. Now watch me unite George Bush with Jack Daniels."